Thank you for Smoking

Not to be confused with a similarly titled 2005 Hollywood movie, I have given the following piece of work this rubric as I take this as an opportunity to thank all the people around me for –obviously-smoking.
Now before I submit myself completely in expressing my gratitude towards those unfortunate souls who have never been given their rightful due, I just wanted to pay my obeisance to the great Marlboro Men: David Millar Jr., Wayne McLaren and David Mclean. These great men were no less than any martyr puffing away one cigarette after another, and in the end, meeting a poetic demise succumbing to lung cancer. [FYI, Marlboro men were the advertising ‘heroes’ of Marlboro, the largest selling brand of cigarettes in the world].
There are many reasons for thanking all these people but the constraints of space and time can only allow me to mention a few. First of all, I wanted to thank some of my friends whom I grew up with in school where we used to design posters highlighting ‘Smoking is Fatal’, ‘Don’t blow ur life in smoke’ and other such hypothetical statements with great passion. They have finally understood that posters are only for telling others and apply no logic to the people who make them. Secondly, I would like to thank the people whom I met in college who despite being so vulnerable, resisted the temptation of living an ‘air’free life and chose the tortuous path of smokes, emphysemas and ashtrays. And how could I forget all the other innocent beings around me who have made their own life shorter just to make our life seem longer. They deserve all this adulation as they have not only contributed to the already populated environment one more cause of concern but also expanded our dictionary by defining ‘passive smoking’. Hence,in the process, giving mere mortals like us a chance, to help them share their load passively. They have time and again, lived upto the claims of ‘smoking causing impotency’ thus assisting in bringing down the inflating population. With their lungs being reduced to the size of table tennis balls and lips getting a shade blacker with every passing day; they have given an oppurtunity to the less blessed people around them to look more beautiful than ever. Despite the warnings printed on every packet that Smoking is injurious to Health, they practice the ultimate dharma of keeping their eyes closed towards every step that might push them away from their untimely heroic death. I know this could go on forever but I have to stop somewhere. So lastly, I would just like to thank all the people who unwillingly read the above 470 words and also request them to please help me and billion others find atleast one reason why smoking isn’t STUPID.

“Cigarette is a pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other!”
-Anonymous